Friday, July 13, 2007

I realised..

___ hmm ___

was looking at my old sch photos, my secondary photos. i realised smth, try and spot me in those pic...

Well i was there, but u cant see me cause i am always the one taking the picture. realise in the past i was never a part of any class i was in, alwalys drifting and not settleing. Sometimes i hope ppl would at least rmb little about me, but come to think of it, cause its just me not them, i am very dumb.

So ya i realise i am becoming back to who i am, in class i am the here or not guy. Not realli there but there. Sometimes i feel i am so alone in this big big lecture room.

Even when people talk to me, i know they felt guarded.
I went to yishun with ben and rey.

ya compared to how they talk to each other and

me with rey after ben got off was ploarised

sigh

maybe i shld keep my mouth shut

was talking rubbish

Sigh somehow i feel this self-fufilling belief i will become my past. So many same people in my class compare to my sec sch. 1- 2 good friends. (none i guess) would run to help me ?

ahh nvm sigh

anyway today bio as wreck and screw.

then i went to eat with ren jun, then met shi pei they all

even they feel at ease. i was there

so unwelcome i felt.

turn left or right

no one i knew well

no one will pick time to talk

sigh

took my bag and headed to my hiding place.

it was windy today

i slept there and waited for time to fly.

thinking about lots of stuff.

wondered where i was wrong

i handled lots of things wrong

everything i do seems wrong

i don knwo if i was born to be wrong

i guess so

fuck man

but oh well

at least i saw her again today in the morning

i sent her to sch,

at least its why i go to sch now

friends i have, but to them i am just a tag along

alone i am, then why did i wanna go to sch

sigh

at least everyone busy with smth

i failed my ipc i realise

my thermo too

my bio

my em1

my life is messed up

now i living on borrowed money

i don know how know i can last

but i think when all is used up

i think i don wanna live anymore

i just confess and jump

sigh but my family

at least i have them

but shit i don even see them usually

all i see in my eyes are politcs,

friends with friends

who with who

wad grp wad grp, its like omg, fucking fast, i never see a real class tgt as one b4

they split like water with oil.

shit man

i like know everyone but i feel like a remora to a shark

not seen eating the scraps they have for me

sigh

so dam depress

wanna stop breathing

it hurts

sometimes

to realise i am back to square 1

no matter how hard i try

i live in a world that no one cares

no one give a dumb fuck

no one bothers

it shld be this way

the world don revolves around me

so ya shit myself for pitying myself

today is friday 13th

i feel like dying

i hope someone could save me

i don care anymore i just wanna

feel

safe

not alone

its tearing me into pieces.

heart crushed.

i realise beside my ploy sc my secondary friend i have in contact now is just 4

i realise no one would care if i kept quiet

i could disappear from existant

i wonder how long do i need to stay dead b4 ppl realise i was dead

i guess no one cares

People hanging around---

sounds and laughters---

tears and sorrows---

not mine---

not to me---

for each other they look---

i am a phase---

i am look and go---

i am whos that---

i am forgettable---

i will die like this.

no one knows how deep i could cry into

yet i wish someone know

she knows

but she does not do that

someone i wish i was never like this

should have keep my mouth shut

should have be alone

i tried i got hit back

i tried again i got bashed

i tried and tried

i am a lamer

without the lame

the so werid kind

the one talk, also cannot talk alot type

i am just nothing

~for her i will live another day~

~ cause as long i could see her smile ~

~ i would never ask for anything else ~

~ i am waitin for her ~

your love is like a shadow at 10:44 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Friday, July 13, 2007

I realised..

Myself & I

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