Wednesday, October 22, 2008

i moved~

your love is like a shadow at 8:32 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

confused

maybe....

sigh

i will win her over!

no matter how long it takes..

no matter...

sigh depressin

haha
but always a smile
for her

always

but she would love it more
if i had give up on her..

sigh

your love is like a shadow at 8:43 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Monday, October 20, 2008

the 3 D difference distance Dave

today was wreckin..
i kinda regret taking 52.
i was shoving ppl off the seats till her stop.
but then some guy set beside me b4 her.
i wanted to kill him and i wanted to cry.
then he moved another guy came and sit.
fate wasnt realli for me i guess.
was crying openly in the bus. i don know how dumb i looked
then i realise
she could have stand instead of sitting even if i had space
so i was just wrecking myself instead

my eyes were puffy and red when i reached sch.
i ddnt want to alight tgt with her
took off at SIM
keep going to wash my face

kinda tired
i don know

but i saw her today
its enough for me i guess

i don think i shld be even hopin for anything
her glancing at me is arldy. good enuff

nvm there is still 14 weeks of monday i could see her.
i hope
someday
she could give me 1 more chance

for now.
all i can is to sit at the distance
unable to reach
in class in bus
i am sepearated

sigh

3 time i cried this year.
i never cried for so long.
i don know wad is happening to me anymore

i could give wadeva she wans.

sliently\

your love is like a shadow at 3:20 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Rain

I woke up late today again. so i couldnt gym
my body ache all over yet it doesnt hurt that way
i couldnt sleep at all recently

i spend the whole day at my bed.
onli went out to have lunch
i saw a cute baby though
had let him play with my keys
his mum is quite nice letting me fool ard i guess

i was on the way back listening to my music
when it rained
it didnt rain i mean
water literally fall onto the groud
cold cruel lashes of slivers
and i just got off the bus

the wind was swirling around me
rain pattering here there
my music was 'take a bow'
i don know been tuning it to that song alot

and i was climbing up the stairs of the overhead bridge
it was sheltered
and not completed.
it was bare at the end
exposed to the rain
the ground feel soft
i kept thinking of her
i stood at the edge of the shelter.
its like a line
between friends and lovers.
sheltered and rain
someone who could brave the rain
and seriously i felt God was near me
he made the rain even heavier just for that 5mins for me
i
stepped out
my phone
my mp3
friends psp
my wallet
my book
my heat

i got drenched right away
i did not run
blind
deaf

the rain is cold condesending
harsh and tearing
my body feel so good under it
it melted my thots away
it took all my longings for her away even for the moment
i saw nothing
no troubles
in the rain
i just felt peaceful
every step and every beat of the music linked
if its the closest i felt i wanted to kill myself
it is
i realise i made peace with myself
for that moment.
i felt i could have walked infront of a car smiling

i hated that.
how rain makes me weak
i walked back slowly to my house
i sms her i hoped she wasnt out

i thot her sms. 1 a day 2 a day 3 or 4 or any
would substain me
till the end

i hope she could stand in the rain with me
but i know no one will
cause in the rain

all my mask are gone
washed away

i feel alone

nothingness

sucidal

is it realli me?

i don know
i don want to know anymore

i don know how i can look at her anymore
she wants me to give up..

i don know
hope
will
never die
.

onli in the rain
those words shall break me

your love is like a shadow at 9:14 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Saturday, October 18, 2008

down

lowest point i ever feel. every second i keep thinking
i don know if i got blocked or u decide to stay offline arldy
but i guess at ure side i have become something else
its not the irriatable dave..

ah sigh but there is still 543 days.
everyday without fail i will hope and try
i don wan to stalk someone

i don wan anything
i just feel like dying

sigh depressed
i actually bled today.
cut my hand accidenly..
saw blood.
all i could think was using it to write smth

man i getting sick

i hate myself
for being so weak.
pushing and pulling
undecided

it hurts..
sigh

i hope someday she will forgive me
may it be when she married or not.
just glad i could be just back talking to her

all the Tv shows she told me.
brought back so much things

now it feels empty
i don know how i can go sch anymore

down

your love is like a shadow at 7:40 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Friday, October 17, 2008

single

i don know wad happen yesterday or today morning
i think its my fault ow it end up
now i think she is ignoring me. ah
sigh

i don know i tried to do smth today
even eating food
i kept thinking
i tried studying i couldnt
shes always on my mind

but somehow the privilage of talking with her
is over

somehow it should hurt badly
but it didnt.
i realise i alrdy accept that.

i will work on from here i guess

doesnt matter i wont see her for weeks months

i just hope fate let me see and talk to her once more
i will still go on winning her heart

if she don reply.
if she isnt there
i will be still waiting
i hope she is alright
i feel bad
i don have mood to do anything without her..

i just have to hope.
even its too late.
i don mind anymore
any strands of chance
any hopes
not crushed
i will hang on.
i will be a better person for her
so much better.

rain or shine

i wanna be ure official guy
19.5.543 .

543 days.

your love is like a shadow at 11:17 PM
0 said we can't be wrong together

mind

i thought about her 167 times on seperate occassions.

i actually need a clicker to keep track i guess

hmm today was fine. realli bad at handing things

i guess i shld set this as my offical blog.

oh well

k lets start

hmm schs finally over this week

totally have nth to do on the weekends.

super bored and broke

but i am going to work soon i guess

at my fathers place.

hope its fine.

Today i had 5 hr break.

i went to gym, tore some muscle and strain some

so kinda sore now

was taking bus back waiting for her smses

man i shldnt keeping thinking abt it anymore

i promised

well time to learn how to keep myself always busy

will be a much cleverer and stronger me next time

cheers

stolen kiss

your love is like a shadow at 3:31 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Thursday, October 16, 2008

pain beyond pain

stick pins in my eyes pls.

my heart will give away

your love is like a shadow at 7:38 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

it feels torn

i don know anything anymore
i cant think abt anything but her
every things link backs to her
am i crazy or am i in love i no longer know

maybe somehow
i shld let go
this addiction
her smile
her face
her hands
her voice
her thoughts

don even care she has a boyfriend or not

maybe i shld visit her someday
a kiss and i will be gone

someday

sigh.

i have no mood for anyting anymore

your love is like a shadow at 3:04 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Fate

I realise its been long since i blogged.
but today i had enough emotion baggage to let all of it out.
well i had my holidays. it was nothing much mostly
but i knew a girl through my friends that i met at first sight.
that i realli would fall in love with her.
she would appear distant yet close.
she is open yet so close
she has beautiful eyes with or without contacts.
and she is cheerful at best.
i loved her pouts.
though i never got to know her well enough.
but i know the holiday i had even not being with her
made my day.

but she has alot of past behind her. her ex is in her class and she is still friends with him
its hard to ignore but for her i wouldnt care if her ex lived next to her.
i would chase her to the either ends of the world if i would have the chance
she always wanted to know why i like no why i loved her
i always said love transends reasons. sometimes i feel pain just beside her.

being with her brought out me. onli had another girl did that b4. and i promised her i wont mention her again.
and said suddenly one day or maybe over the days.
she wanted me to give up.
on her.
i am not on equal frequencies with her. something i never accepted
but i guess i would accept it already

yet i stalked her as hard as i could. noted for someone who onli felt this twice i never know quite well wad to do. if she had asked me to wait in sun rain and thuder i will be there. if she needs me i will be there. somehow i feel i can do anything with her ard. but still i was helpless under uselessness.

and hold behold schools starts. her class is 1 class away from me. so pained feel so hated.
hated myself.

but then today i realised something.
once she told me fate will decide if we could meet
i agreeded. but she never told me everything and she is entitled not to.
her friends could meant her ex. she is still close to him i feel.
i think i believe she could go back to him
no matter i give my blessing.
wad i didnt know never hurt me
i wish i could be her one.
be him.seeing her everyday. being able to know her everyday
cherish all the time tgt

and i saw her at bus today. fate it is.
i scrambled out of my seat for her. never realising reality is on the door
her ex is sending her home..
sending her home.
her ex is her class mate, who sees her at least a infinity more then me
someone who could relate life stuff and stuffs.
someone who managed to touch her once
and broke off cause not because of the relationship
and he could be outside the lecture room waiting for her.
and i have to be 1 bus stop b4 her. waiting at different time different seats
to be able to meet at the same time with a seat for her.
more ever she wont be alone even that. someone could even walk her there.
i wished i could do that

i realised fate is shit. i promised her 457 days.
i would wait 457 days. i realise i was kidding myself.
i thot i had found someone i felt so comfortable with
but it was just me
not her
i feel her suddenly
i realise i am who i am.

reality that is not spending more time. and being not on the same frequency hurts
nothing realli matter no matter how hard i try.
i could stalk her house and get kicked out.
sometimes i wished i never knew her.
cause the more i fall for her.
the painer it gets sometimes
but to be with her knowing her it makes my day
beside her or talking to her
make me forget the pain
its the same this time.
its all me thinking more
not her.

she never wanted to be with me
she don believe i loved her.
she is too good for me

she is beautiful
yet she calls herself fat
she is so interesting yet she calls herself boring

And she is impossible to find

she doesnt see who i see with my eyes
i learnt alot again this time
she never told me things that would hurt me that much
for that i am thankful

i realli loved her.
and now i have 457 days to cry about it.
and i will spend more time studying being better
and hope

when she gets married by 20-12-2012 or 20-11-2011 or anydate
i will be there. being my best. with no regrets
that i love her.
hope the groom is someone great

no matter wad words i type. it will never be enough
she will always be the hello kitty in my dream.
i hope i can forget someone as good as her

makes me want to cry when i realise
even fate makes me meet her
reality catches up
her ex is still beside her.
forboding

too late to smile.

something left for her

love you like i never did
i never wanted to be anywhere
but beside you.

ure touch. shudders me.
ure smile. enchants me
ure pouts. soowns me

i loved u like purple stars
i know i never made sense
but in all sense
i loved u.

i don know how much u know.
but being loved for me

i never felt it b4.

thank you

i will always stand by fate and fantasy. and watch u
marry reality.

words will never be enuff .
u never believed i am chasing u.
i realli am
and it showed.
how bad i am in loving someone.
so i have to let it go.
and wait for fate to kill me.
i wish i could die now

i want to be with u

maybe she would have many questions
but never doubt my feelings

your love is like a shadow at 12:51 AM
0 said we can't be wrong together